And we’re back withThe Bachelorette Australia 2021, episode ten! Jeez, that was a short break.
We open with Kween Brooke and her adorable dog. She’s so wholesome and I fkn love her.
It’s time for hometowns and time for Brooke to meet the family… of four people she’s made connections with.
First up we have Konrad with a K.
Konrad was a fan favourite. And an Abbie Chatfield favourite. And a Kween Brooke favourite — until he outed himself as a f*ck boi who doesn’t want a job, just wants to have fun and make her a breakfast burrito.
Konrad with a K will have his family meet Kween Brooke over Zoom and then… give me strength, this 31-year-old grown man greets his family with a shaka and says “what’s up my brooooooo?”……………………………………………………..FML.
As expected, Konrad’s dad is “whacky” and naturally, I freaking LOVE him.
Also as expected, Konrad’s family say “whacky” a lot. But his dad is the whackiest. He is hilarious and dopey and without a doubt, Konrad’s father.
Konrad with a K is then asked to leave the room so that Kween Brooke can be grilled. Frankly, it’s like watching someone swim upstream, however, I love Konrad’s dad. So I’m OK with it.
Mr Bien-Stephens asks Brooke a bunch of questions and then refers to his son as being “Mr Sensitive.” It’s all very wholesome and honestly, I’d watch an entire hour of this.
Konrad with a K’s dad is really beautiful. He says that Konrad has had his heart broken before and then he starts to cry.
And then Kween Brooke starts to cry.
And then I start to cry. There are so many tears and I just want to give him a hug.
Konrad’s dad ends the chat by saying, in an accent, “don’t break my baby’s heart” before doing the most boomer thing ever and shutting the laptop without pressing end. He didn’t, but I really wanted him to.
OH, my heart! Go with him, Brooke! Eat the breakfast burrito! Have all his coffees. He’s so “sensitive”.
Kween Brooke and Konrad with a K kiss goodbye, and Konrad reveals he is falling in love. Uh ohhhhhhhhhhh. We can see where this is headed and not just because we saw Konrad’s put his tongue down Abbie’s throat!
Next up is Jamie Lee.
Jamie Lee and Kween Brooke already know one another from He Who Must Not Be Named’s series.
She’s been a dark horse this season and has spent most of her time with Brooke reading out poetry or love letters.
They’re going to meet two of Jamie Lee’s best friends.
Of course, one friend is ready to grill Kween Brooke. Her name is Dee. Dee is also very confused by the concept of the show.
“You’re dating three other people?!” Dee asks. Yes, Dee. That’s what the show is.
Before long, the lunch ends and I am eternally grateful.
Jamie Lee then admits she wants to tell Kween Brooke “the truth”. Here we go! L-word time!
Jamie Lee and Kween Brooke have a very long hug and Jamie Lee says, “I really like you.” Eeeeeessshh. Good lord. BORING!!!!
Kween Brooke looks confused and hightails it out of there because everyone should be in LOVE with her dammit. Jamie Lee is remorseful that she didn’t drop the L-word and it’s all just a bit too much….
Prince of Persia Darvid is next. Darvid is our winner, I’m calling it now.
Kween Brooke is wearing sleeves as big as my hopes and dreams that Loveable Oaf Kurt and I match on Hinge somehow.
Prince of Persia’s mum is wildly protective of him and also of their hometown of Brisbane.
Darvid’s mum says that Darv lives in the same street as her and would Kween Brooke ever want to move to Brisbane. Firstly, RED FKN FLAG BRAH and secondly, Darv’s mum is f*cking terrifying.
When left alone with her, Brooke looks rightfully terrified. I’m terrified and I’m watching a replay!
As an ex Brisbanite, this is the most Brisbane mum drilling ever.
Darv’s mum keeps banging on about Brisbane and Brooke keeps talking about Melbourne. Holy sh*t. Is this a conversation between my own Mother and me?
Once reunited, the Prince of Persia and Kween Brooke say their goodbyes.
Darvid says, “I’m smitten,” a lot to Brooke.
They hug, have hot kisses and Brooke thinks about life in Brisbane. Go to Mr. Percival’s Brookey! That’s where all the reality stars are!
After the terrifying catch-up, we are finally at Holly from Marketing 2.0’s hometown.
Holly has been a frontrunner the whole way and it’s a big day for her.
It’s actually the first time Holly has brought home a girl. This is big.
Kween Brooke is meeting Holly’s whole family, including another frankly terrifying (and awesome) human being, Holly’s mum Suzie. Suzie gets to the obligatory drilling straight away and calls her “the prize”. Lol, I love her.
Just like Darvid’s mum, Suzie is also obsessed with geography.
Suzie asks Kween Brooke about WA and Brooke says that one day in “10 or 15 years I’d like to live there.”
10-15 years? The earth could be detonated by then!! Ohhhhhh ahhhhhhh. Stop talking, Brooke!
In a piece to camera, Suzie says that Brooke’s plans to move to WA in 10 or 15 years is a “red flag.” And NO SH*T SHERLOCK!
Suzie doesn’t stop there. She asks Kween Brooke how many children she wants and Brooke says she wants a “whole fkn tribe.”
The Unstoppable Suzie who has never heard of reading the fkn room then outs Holly from Marketing 2.0 as never wanting to have children. Oh. My. God.
Love her though.
After the insanely awkward lunch — where Kween Brooke loves WA and Holly from Marketing 2.0 hates kids — the pair say their goodbyes and things go from bad to worse…
Kween Brooke is realising that perhaps she and Holly from Marketing 2.0 are on different pages.
It becomes really emotional.
Their farewell is, what some would call “le fuqed”.
“Yehhh cyaaaaa”. OOOOOFT.
Kween Brooke walks into a bush and cries a lot. What a fkn disaster.
IT’S ROSE CEREMONY TIIIIIIME!
Australia’s Favourite Dad, Osher enters Le Chateau from a secret door in his podcast studio.
It’s business time. Rose maths time.
Three servo roses, four brother-sister wives. Someone is leaving with nothing more than an Instagram following tonight.
This is always the most brutal rose ceremony. The one where it feels like someone’s family isn’t good enough.
Look, I know the last episode I was a little mad at Konrad with a K but I’ve since kalmed down and want to see him get through…
So, of course, he doesn’t get a servo rose and WHAT?! THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!!!
This is too much.
After Kurt’s departure earlier in the evening and now Konrad’s, there is only so much heartache a girl can take!
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Kween Brooke walks Konrad with a K out to his Uber. It’s actually a really emotional goodbye.
Konrad with a K doesn’t go quite the Kurt route and invite her out for coffee, but he does say they’ll be friends. Oh, god. My heart.
Until next time…oh, and Konrad? I’ll see you at the Byron Bay Beach Hotel!
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