It’s happened, the weeks are going by quicker now and I’ve somehow woken up to another Married at First Sight 2022 Dinner Party and I’m not sure if I’m ready.
Although we are (finally) losing some hopeless couples, others are prospering at the thought of (a blue tick) love.
Let’s catch up with our budding influencers and see what has happened this week.
Spoiler Alert: They met each other’s family and friends and boy oh boy, more red flags here than a matador’s storeroom.
Kate and Matt
Let’s start with something easy, shall we? Wanna-be Wiggle Matt finally let his hostage wife Kate go after she lambasted him for getting drunk and being a hilarious menace.
These two were never going to work. See ya!
Dion, Carolina and Daniel
That’s right, MAFS has gone woke with a throuple! Just joking!
The Commitment Ceremony was a fkn sh*tshow when Dion turned up with another fabulous jacket but no fabulous wife.
Carolina had yeeted herself out of the building and into bodybuilder Daniel’s arms.
By now, Daniel should be a mere spot in our memory. A “who was the guy again? Oh yeah, that guy who was the world’s first uncle”, but instead he lingered around like a bad YouFoodz smell and nabbed the glamorous South American.
They made their way to the couch and decided that they wanted to come back into the experiment but recoupled.
Everyone in the world who has a whole brain and not half a brain full of protein powder could see this as a total sh*t idea but they really did shoot their shot and got shot down.
Expert John Aiken basically told them to “fk off” and they took a long walk of shame back to their gym and worked out all the frustration of having to be a normal couple and not pashing in fire escapes in front of cameras.
Tamara and Brent
Our own Sammy and Ronny from Jersey Shore, Tamara and Brent are getting along this week! It’s a miracle!
They leave the prison cell they’ve been residing in for months and go to an even smaller cell, aka Brent’s studio apartment in Bondi. Tamara looks displeased but comes around to the idea eventually.
Now, these two are fine.
They meet Brent’s family and he turns out to be from a perfectly pleasant and lovely family.
Tamara then tells the world she doesn’t believe in sea lions and they laugh a lot.
I’ll bet they’ll be going into this dinner party hand-in-hand unless in the Uber back to the sky suites Tamara calls Brent a c*nt or something…
Selina and Cody
Boy, oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. We learned way too much about Cody this week. We went to this Northern Beaches share flat where we find out that this smug bastard sleeps on BATMAN sheets.
Selina, because she’s nice and normal, is rightfully disgusted. His whole place is a dump. It’s a Hinge hookup palace of nightmares. I hate it here.
Then, Cody gets Selina to meet his mum and stepdad. Everyone at the table noticeably hates each other. Seriously, I’ve had better pap smears than this wreck of a dinner.
Then… Cody gets Selina to dress up in a swamp man suit to go bird watching – which is a sentence I never thought I’d say.
Cody tricks her and gets out of his swamp man suit and leaves her alone in it, calling it a “prank” like some failed YouTuber. OMFGGGGG!!!!
Anyway, the whole car crash of a week finished with Cody’s uncle John who is actually an angel. He tells Cody to pull his head out and stop fkn around and maybe hug and kiss Selina every now and then.
Mitch and Ella
Ella’s journey in this is my fav so far. And when I say journey I mean her becoming everyone’s best friend over night.
She’s so loyal and cool. She is calm and patient. I adore her. Her husband, Mitch, is also there. I don’t know what else to say. Mitch exists. They went to Melbourne together and he also existed there so… great work Mitch.
They went to a psychic medium who, fair play to Mitch, was sh*t and asked Mitch a string of things about if he’s ever felt connected to dolphins or being a mechanic. It was a mess. But, we still stan Ella so I am hoping they stay in just for that.
Samantha and Al
Oh, faaarkkkkk. Okay, so. Grab a coffee, let’s catch up on these two.
Samantha wrote leave because she has realised twice over now that Al is not “her person”.
Al wrote stay because he is having an absolute blast being one of the boys and getting laced with free booze every week.
When Samantha saw what Al had written, she berated him like a child until he sheepishly asked the experts if he could change what he wrote.
They said “nah” and gave the pair 24 hours to figure out if they want to be in this relationship. Jeezus, John. They don’t.
Al begs Sam to stay for an extra week so that they can leave on a good note as “just friends” but he tells us that he wants to use it to woo her again. Wow, can’t see where this is going. Samantha naively agrees.
Al has grabbed that opportunity by the horns and organised a snorkelling date for two reasons. 1) he can’t do a shoey in the ocean and 2) to get his bride’s hot rig out.
The date brings them back together.
In Sam’s mind they are still just friends, in Al’s mind, they are LOVAAAS. This is a slow-motion car crash. Can’t wait!
Domenica and Jack
Domenica continues to be an outspoken queen and we love her for it.
The fiery Italian was the first to walk in the mass walkout that followed Daniel and Carolina’s unexpected turn up at the Commitment Ceremony.
Jack lovingly followed suit because he’s adorable and adores his wife. Since then, they went and combined their two families: Italian’s from the North and South, which is all very Sopranos and I loved it.
The families got along. It was wholesome. Then, Jack took Domenica to his share-house where he showed off his snake, and no ladies, that ain’t a euphemism….
Jack’s a snake boy. He has a pet snake called Lucy.
The pair are getting along well, please lord don’t throw a spanner in these works. We deserve this.
Olivia and Jackson
From hero to zero, our power couple continues to fall further and further down the rankings. This is mainly Olivia being an anchor and dragging Jackson to the bottom of the ocean. She has turned sour.
Where to begin!?
Jackson brought Olivia to Melbourne where she met his friends and regaled them with lovely tales about her hacking up her friend’s bridesmaids dress. This has been covered extensively because, well, it’s fkn psycho.
Then Jackson got stressed and went to his sanctuary, the gym. He brought Olivia over with him who hinted around the idea that gyms are fatphobic (?!). She huffed and puffed and blew the whole gym down about being there (not from working out, mind you), stared at him whilst he worked out with evil eyes and then, ladies and gentleman, declared that he would now have to give up the gym because she is his world.
Then (yep, not over yet), they met up with more friends of Jackson’s whom Olivia tells that the gym is for 22-year-olds (didn’t know there was an age limit!) and not for married men. Olivia, he’s not f*cking the gym, it’s not the other woman!
Anyway, it’s a huge unhinged mess and I will pretend I don’t like it but I do…I really, really, do.
Right, let’s get this thing going.
Here We F*cking Gooooooooo….
All week we’ve been promised some kind of drama about a nude photo scandal. Because, in the world of commercial television, nude photo leaks are still a scandal and not in fact a crime.
But, before the
sl*t-shaming dinner party begins, it’s time for the couples to move back into their prison cells.
Selina, the good sport she is, bids adieu to Cody’s hideously virginal room.
Tamara enters Brent’s studio apartment and announces she remembers his favourite juice! Lucky for her they have the same order so sh*ts not that hard but it’s baby steps for these two.
In Camp “cousin and annoying younger cousin” Al is saying that Samantha and him “have a deep connection”. Samantha paints his nails, and Al waves them around. It’s all a bit cute.
Mitch and Ella have crossed many bridges, no thanks to ol’ dolphin medium. Mitch really likes Ella but doesn’t want to do long distance. And Melbourne is really cold… as he’s mentioned before.
But, Mitch, baby, cmon. You like to wear black turtlenecks in September in Sydney, you’re basically made for an art opening in Fitzroy.
Across the hall is ol’ “what good has the gym ever done anyone” Olivia and Jackson.
I have firmly come to believe that Jackson doesn’t believe in having knees on any of his pants.
It’s wannabe influencer Olivia’s turn to speak. She hates Domenica. Like, really hates. She says super cool and charming things.
“I think she’s so below me in class, morals and morality.” Does Olivia, oh queen bee that she is, know that morals and morality mean the same thing?
“I don’t want to be associated with her. I’m embarrassed I’m on this experiment with her.”
Olivia, babe. You’re on MAFS. Your time to judge people for being weird and desperate left the room when you signed up to marry a complete stranger.
I don’t want to be associated with Olivia either, but unfortunately, we share the same name so here we are. Livs united and divided.
Instead of jumping into the Ubers and getting this lot of lovers to the weekly piss-up like normal, this time the producers start to ask all our brides and grooms about a “photo.”
Described by a 90-year-old intern as a “paid social media site for sharing private content”, the producers grill the contestants about the mystery photo. Turns out its OnlyFans guys. A bride has used OnlyFans.
Literally, who cares?!
Well, apparently MAFS cares.
The brides and grooms all face the camera and say that they may have seen one, maybe there is. God these people would do badly under torture.
Selina describes the photo of being of a “particular bride in her birthday suit lying on her tummy.”
What are we?! 12?! It’s a half nude on OnlyFans, someone call the Nunnery.
Al, of course, hasn’t seen it because Al only knows two things: shoeys and the worm.
No one will cough up who’s been circulating the photo, so it’s a huge myster— oh wait, no it isn’t.
Olivia says that after Domenica “smashed a glass in everyone’s faces” she researched her. She loudly and proudly says, “Domenica has an OnlyFans.”
So, it’s Olivia. Olivia has proudly paid her rival money to see her naked so that she can sl*t-shame her. Clap, clap, clap, Olivia. You have one the hearts of many.
Olivia says she’s going into this dinner party strong. Lol, okay.
IT’S UBER RIIIIIDE TIIIIIMMMMEEEE
Time to get into our Ubers and race across Sydney for the event of the century. A woman, living in modern times, took a nude. Let’s all gather around the campfire and throw sticks at her like she’s a witch.
Domenica is dressed like a warrior and has no idea what sort of sh*t show her unhinged rival has set up for her. God I want to protect her.
Jackson says to Olivia he hopes it’s a normal dinner party. Lol, look who you’re married to. It’s satan in a cheap smock.
Selina and Cody debate whether Jack has a right to know. Well, he doesn’t. It’s no one’s “right” but Domenica’s. Everyone, calm down.
Samantha begs Al not to say anything.
And as we cross back to Jack and Domenica’s car, they see dogs on the side of the road and imitate them. Jesus Christ this is going to be a dumpster fire and the editing producers are having a FIELD DAY!
IT’S PRE DRINKS TIIIIIME
It’s time to get wasted.
The first to enter the ring are Olivia and Jackson.
Olivia keeps talking at Jackson saying that they’re always so good and perfect.
She says that she wants to see everyone and have a lot of fun!!!!!! You know what’s fun?! Not doing revenge porn, Olivia! Jackson looks like he wants to be swallowed in a hole.
Next up are Cody and Selina. They all cheers each other.
Olivia tells the group that she hates the gym. Oh my god. Make it stop.
Brent and Tamara walk in. TOGETHER. It’s a miracle.
Everyone keeps talking but Jackson continues to look like he wants to be anywhere but here.
Samantha and Al are next, and they’re still together! Everything is good! Everyone is happy!
Olivia decides to pry herself away from being Jackson’s world for a minute to go and destroy someone else’s.
She joins Tamara, Selina and Samantha on the couch. Straight away Tamara says, “I heard about the photo.”
Olivia (ohHHH Olivia) goes: “what photo?”
Tamara reminds her it’s “the one of Domenica” and Olivia proudly says, “Oh yeah that one.”
Olivia then claims that “if someone smashes a glass in your face… you do a Google search.” No, honey. Also, OnlyFans photos aren’t in Google images… they’re paywalled.
So, Olivia is clearly already setting her story up to be that you can just see it on Google. Before saying that she is the one who sent it. “I don’t know who’s seen it, I just sent it.”
“I feel bad but I really don’t.” She says, gleefully.
She then goes on to say she isn’t here to sl*t shame anyone “but”. Well, that just simply isn’t true. Leaking nudes of someone is the very definition of sl*t shaming, but I digress.
Mitch and Ella enter next — well, they pretend to enter seperatley and Brent yells: “B*tch stole my move!”.
Mitch talks again about how cold Melbourne is. We get it, it’s cold!
But, enough about Mitch and Ella’s long distance love story, this is the Olivia show now.
Brandishing a whole bottle of cheap white wine, Olivia sits with Selina and Tamara. Selina, because she’s normal says that she would want to know if everyone was talking about her. Olivia, because she’s not normal, says she won’t say anything.
She then says that she isn’t “sl*t shaming anybody.” She does know the more times she says it the less it’s true?
Olivia goes on and on and on about how basically Domenica put it out there so she deserves to be outed for being on OnlyFans. Tamara echoes similar sentiments.
OMFG IT’S ONLYFANS AND 2022. I cannot.
Tamara and Selina decide that they will address the OnlyFans with Domenica.
Jack and Domenica continue to have the best Uber ride ever. They’ve mimicked dogs, had a dance. They have no idea what hellfire they’re walking into.
Enter: Domenica and Jack.
Olivia says that Domenica should feel nervous.
What is actually wrong with this woman?
Domenica sings out, “Hello Olivia!” Olivia says, “Hello.” And then kisses her hostage husband and says she missed him. Eughhhhhhhh!!!!!
Everyone wonders if they know about the photo. Cody is “concerned” for Jack. Does he know?! Who CARES?!
DING DING DING! Our quasi French waiter releases the hounds into the feeding lot. My muscles tense up. This is gonna be a trainwreck.
IT’S DINNER TIIIIIME!
Dinner starts as normal. Blessed bebeh Al doesn’t know how to eat, but what else is new?
Domenica asks Al and Sam how their week was and Al says they went snorkelling and then using his hands like a caveman drops bok-choy into his mouth.
This is all just faff though until the real story starts.
Cody, for some reason, says that Jack deserves to know the truth. “He’s given her everything, he should know.”
Why is everyone in this fkn room entitled to know or care about Domenica’s OnlyFan’s account? What is going on?
So, Cody leans across the table and tells Domenica that everyone has seen a photo of her “pretty much naked on a couch.”
Olivia, always full of such class, pouts. She has lit the flame, and Cody threw the grenade. Her work here is done.
Cody asks Domenica if Jack knew she had an OnlyFans account.
Jack, hero that he is, says that he was aware.
“I don’t really care,” he shrugs.
The only thing Jack cares about is rooting on a period, fellas!
Jack continues his hero status.
“Who cares what someone did with their own past?”
Jack says that he’s known about it since week one or two.
The only two wedded wonders that don’t know about the photo, besides Jack and Domenica, are their compadres Mitch and Ella.
Then, Jack brings up the ONLY issue in this sh*tshow… How is this even circulating?
Everyone is in denial. Some have seen it, some have just heard about its existence.
Selina, the only one with any backbone in this, says that she saw it in a room full of people. It was passed around on a phone. Jeeeze I wonder who was in charge of that?!
Tamara and Samantha immediately defend… themselves?! Wait, what?! Why is this their fight to defend? They say that no one laughed at it, they wanted to know if Domenica knew.
Of course she fkn knew. It’s her account.
Ella says that those that were privy to.. let’s call a spade a spade… revenge porn, should have knocked on Domenica’s door.
Tamara goes further in.
Tamara starts yelling at the room and at Jack for some reason that they should stop being negative. Tamara, please. Sit down. This isn’t about you.
After a suspicious silence, Olivia pipes up.
“When we had our thing, I mentioned it to my friends and they Googled you. I then told Selina.” Olivia tells Domenica.
For once in your life Olivia, tell the fkn truth. You Googled her. Don’t deflect to your friends. Own this.
“It wasn’t done out of malice. No judgement. It’s 2021”. Olivia continues.
TAKE. ACCOUNTABILITY. LIV.
This is fkn insane behaviour. It’s exhausting to watch.
Ella, Queen Ella, says that she’d love to see the conversation where Olivia’s friends just happen to find out that Domenica has an OnlyFans. She then chucks a cherry on top and calls Olivia an idiot.
Domenica finally gets the stage. She says that she doesn’t care that anyone knows she had an OnlyFans. The issue here is that the image was shared with ill intent.
Olivia decides to get a shovel and dig her grave even more. She says to Domenica, “it’s 2021 guurrrlll! Do what you want with your body.” FK ME.
Then she tells the camera that she doesn’t know why this is the topic of the night like she didn’t plant the seed. She says that she’s “once again being yelled at.”
OLIVIA, SWEETIE. You were part of revenge porn! You have made the universe revolve around you, and now it is. Deal with it.
Then, Tamara steps into the ring. And all my hopes of ever defending Tamara have been dashed.
She says that anyone who puts this stuff online should expect to “cop this back”. What the actual FAAARKKK IS HAPPENING?!!?!??!?!
“If you put yourself out there for people to see, you’ve got to own it.” She DOES own it, Tamara. Like actually owns the content. It’s Domenica’s content. It’s her body. It’s not for you to spruik around like some sort of gossip.
Domenica says that if they’re sl*t shaming, she will wear it like a badge of honour.
I literally get goosebumps.
The experts, who have done the biggest 180 this season, talk about the toxic group. They say that the group is attempting to humiliate Domenica. Which… they are.
“It’s horrific to watch,” says John.
“There is no self-awareness, no apology from Olivia,” chimes in Alessandra.
Ella takes Domenica outside to cool off.
Olivia goes on and on about how she’s not shaming her. She then says to Jack that she wants him part of the conversation where she will go around in circles about how she is now gaslighting his wife that she didn’t purposely sl*t shame her.
Domenica and Ella talk about it on the couch. They (let’s face it, correctly) hypothesise that Olivia did it with “malice”, and almost certainly did it herself and not her friends.
On the couch of dreams where Ella and Dom sit, they overhear Olivia talking around in circles, yet again. Domenica, rightfully sick of this, goes back into the room to face her demons (ONE demon. Olivia).
Meanwhile, Jack is out there defending his wife and I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT!!!
The two girls rejoin the group, and Ella says that it was a private photo and shouldn’t have been shared. Olivia says that it’s not private “it’s on the Internet.”
She does know how OnlyFans works, right? You don’t share the content on there. It’s for the creators and their paying fans.
Jack and Domenica are over it. And I mean, they lasted longer in this horrible dinner party by a lot longer than I would have.
Olivia sits back and looks smug. Cody says that she must be “enjoying the night off.” Domenica hears it.
“You’re a dickhead. I’m not talking to you. Sit back and shut up!!!”
God, I love her!
Olivia changes her story again. She says that she sent the image to Selina because she doesn’t need to show Domenica, as they aren’t friends.
Olivia, hey. Don’t show anyone, maybe? Maybe just keep it to yourself if your “friends” found it.
Domenica continues to ask Olivia if it was done with any malice or gossip, and Olivia looks like she’s about to fall asleep.
She then waves her hand in the air. “Keep going,” she says.
Domenica tells her it was a question.
“I’m not going to respond. I’m going to let you yell yourself out.” Everyone is silent and frankly, I am in disbelief.
I don’t even think at this point Olivia is looking for a villain edit. This is her. She is pure evil.
Dom, rightfully, storms out.
“I think the kitchen is too hot for Dom,” says Olivia like she won that round.
You literally revenge porn and sl*t shamed a woman, Olivia. What kitchen are you talking about?! What are you doing?!
“She can dish it out but can’t take it.”
Olivia — you literally circulated her nudes. What is she meant to dish out? You took her trust and safety and shared it around. You are a misogynistic, white-privileged, disgusting excuse of a woman. You have endangered someone who has used their body to their own right. You have taken a platform off a woman and made it your own. You hear only your own words. You’re a narcissist.
Olivia then says that after they left the energy in the room is “so much fkn better”.
Domenica and Jack have stormed out. Dom demands her privacy, and at this point, she deserves it.
The only shining light in this is that Domenica and Jack have gone out together. They’re a team. She isn’t demanding that he makes her his world.
The rest of the party talk about the absent two. The only two who defend Dom and Jack are Ella and Brent.
Brent says that of course Domenica felt horrible. Olivia talks again but at this point it’s all just white noise.
Jackson finally speaks up. He says he has to “learn to deal with Liv.”
I know how to deal with her. Dump her.
What a sh*t show. Put your phones out for Domenica.
Want even more goss? Listen to episode 161 of the So Dramatic! podcast with Megan Pustetto below!
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