Abbie Chatfield has detailed how her mental health is at its “worst” in a series of candid posts shared on Instagram.
She may be in the throws of starring on two reality series, touring the country with her live podcast show and hosting a national radio program, but the 27-year-old has confessed the ride is “f*cking fun… until it isn’t”.
Posting snaps from her most recent Stellar Magazine cover, Abbie detailed her mental state on the day of the photoshoot.
**CONTENT WARNING: The following discusses mental health struggles and may be distressing to some readers.
Noting that she was in “two minds” as to how to caption the images, the serial reality star said she was “tossing up” between gushing over the final product or being “actually honest”.
“I do love these photos, the team at Stellar are some of the best in the country, but these photos were taken in between me having breaks to go outside to cry,” she admitted.
“Lately my mental health has been the worst it has been in years. The first quarter of the year brought a level of work stress that I had never experienced.”
Stating that she “won’t go into details”, Abbie confessed the pressure resulted in her having relentless “dark thoughts”.
She then explained that the Stellar shoot was an uphill battle because she “didn’t like how anything looked on her” despite the “amazing” work of the team.
“So I got overwhelmed and cried.”
Abbie Chatfield details struggles during Stellar shoot
In a second post, Abbie told followers that she hasn’t “liked” how she looks “in a while”.
“I get it in my head that I need to change the top. As though the top is going to rip me from my depression,” she said.
“Okay all changed now and we get back on set. We take more photos. I check test shots. I cry. I don’t even recognise the person in the photos.”
Abbie continued: “I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate that I’m crying at a fucking workplace, I hate that if I cry I’m then hard to work with, I hate that the team who are the best in the business may think that I’m crying because of something they have done when it’s all me, I hate that I have to go and be entertaining for 6 more hours after this 7 am shoot.”
Adding that she “wanted to have fun” on the shoot, Abbie said she felt “ungrateful” and wondered if she was “so vain” to be behaving this way.
“Has this industry rotted my brain so that I have insecurities I never had?”
Abbie Chatfield says she feels like a ‘court jester’ amid work pressures
By the time the Stellar cover went live on May 7, the Hot Nights with Abbie Chatfield host said her mindset was “marginally better”.
However, she now has “paranoid anxiety” following reports that colleagues are “spreading that [she’s] not great to work with”.
“That I’m not as fun as I seem in media and to be honest, I’m not,” she deduced. “I haven’t been. I feel like a court jester and I’m fucking exhausted.”
She continued: “I can’t be ON for a radio show, podcast, live tour, two tv show filmings, shoots, TV commercials and then have anything left for me, let alone my family and friends.”
While she admits that she’s “so beyond lucky to do what [she does] for work”, Abbie said she’s “breaking”.
“I’m on the verge of tears at all times. If one thing goes wrong the flood gates open. I have so much pressure on me all the time to be fun or entertaining or at the very least have something of value to say,” the FBOY Island host said.
“It’s draining. Physically and mentally.”
To conclude, Abbie said she’s “trying to say” that the world of media “maybe not what you think”.
“This industry. I love it, and I love all my jobs but that’s kind of the issue,” she revealed. “It’s addictive and intoxicating and fucking fun. Until it isn’t.
“And you are commodifying parts of you, and there isn’t much left just for yourself.”
Friends and fans rally around Abbie Chatfield in light of her mental health confession
Each of Abbie’s four posts was flooded with comments of support and followers sharing similar experiences.
Big Brother Australia‘s Tully Smyth said that she “get[s] it” and is “exhausted too”.
“A decade in the public eye, working in social media. I feel like a fucking dancing monkey that people are throwing money at. And my feet are sore from dancing,” she confessed.
“For what it’s worth, I love you and I think this is the most breathtaking you’ve ever looked.”
Domenica Calarco wrote: “Your vulnerability is beautiful.”
Abbie’s former The Bachelor flame Matt Agnew, who recently detailed his own mental health struggles, thanked her for sharing her story.
“By dropping our masks and sharing our vulnerability, we show others it is OK to not be OK,” he wrote.
“That we are all fighting battles that are unseen; that there is nothing wrong with any of us; and that we are not alone.
“Mental illness wants us to feel Isolated, and by talking we help remove those shackles of isolation. Love you.”
If you or anyone you know is struggling and needs support, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14, both of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7. You can also speak with someone confidentially at Headspace by calling 1800 650 890 or chat online here. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
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