SAS Australia 2021‘s Erin Holland has confessed that she “feels a sense of inadequacy” as she begins her second round of IVF treatment.
In May, the model took to Instagram to reveal that she and her cricketer husband, Ben Cutting, were undergoing IVF, with their first round of treatment resulting “in nothing viable”.
“The sense of failure is overwhelming,” Erin penned to her followers at the time.
Now, in an interview with Stellar Magazine, the 33-year-old has revealed that the feeling hasn’t gone away.
“If it was something that I didn’t want, I wouldn’t be so upset. And when I look at Ben, he is so ready and so desperate to be a dad so I feel a real sense of inadequacy,” she said.
Despite “never really” being “maternal”, Erin said she was “shocked” by the effect her difficulty of falling pregnant had.
“I felt a real sense of loss of it being a natural process,” she continued. “When someone looks me in the eyes and asks how I am going, I can find it really hard to say I am fine when I am not.”
Erin Holland Reveals Why She Decided to Share Her IVF Journey
Erin revealed that while she struggled in deciding whether she’d share her story with others, the fact that she couldn’t find enough information on her situation gave her the push she needed.
“I found everything [about IVF] was either post the fact, whether it was successful or unsuccessful. There was not a lot of stuff from people while they were going through it,” the SAS star recalled.
“And so I got to a point that I was like, if I am doing this, maybe I should be brave and be that person for someone else – because I found the more I talked about it, the better it made me feel.”
Adding that being candid about her experience has been “cathartic”, Erin said the response was “overwhelming”.
“The response was insane. It was super overwhelming the number of people who reached out, and people I know and respect in the industry I work in [who] had gone through it that I had no idea [about], so it was crazy.”
This echoes the sentiment in Erin’s original Instagram post, in which she hoped her experience validates others on a similar journey.
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