Grab your togs and your Reef Oil because Australia is getting our very own version of Too Hot To Handle and just like in the US, it’s being smuggled ashore under a fake name: Parties in Paradise.

Believed to already be in the early stages of production, the so-called “Parties in Paradise” is said to follow contestants as they gallivant the globe on a luxurious boat and attend “the most exclusive beach parties full of the world’s hottest singles”.

Our first clue that this is a ruse is the fact that they’re gallivanting around the globe. Hell, we’re still amid a global pandemic, so there’s just no way.

Parties in Paradise sounds like it’s lifted its premise straight from a Contiki tour handbook, meaning we’re almost certain the show is actually a guise to recruit unsuspecting bimbos and himbos on Too Hot To Handle.

The Netflix series’ whole schtick is that a bunch of hot and toey singletons from across the globe move into a luxury waterfront villa under the impression that they’re going to spend the next few weeks partying and having sex till the cows come home.

Twelve hours into their stay it’s revealed that there’s $100,000 in prize money up for grabs, but the contestants can count on leaving the show without any crabs (from the beach or otherwise) because there’s one catch to winning the cash — they aren’t allowed to perform any sort of sexual act otherwise they risk losing moola from the prize pool.

Yep, you heard us correctly — no kissing, no sex in any form, no finger diddling of any kind and absolutely no self-gratification. For those of you playing at home, that also means no whipping out your Vush Empress for some one-on-one time because the villa’s smart speaker Lana will come down hard (no pun intended) and dock you a few Gs.

F*ck that shit (we say as if we haven’t spent lockdown completely celibate — and not due to the promise of $100K either)!

But how did we conclude that Parties in Paradise is actually Too Hot To Handle in disguise?

Larissa Trownson, who starred in the latest season of the Netflix competition, told Heart Radio that it was “super disappointing” that the cast weren’t able to get intimate with each other because the show had been pitched to them as — wait for it — Parties in Paradise!

“The show had been portrayed as…a group of singles getting together, partying,” she said.  “They pitched it as if the boy or girl who got to the end who could party the hardest would win $100,000.”

Other contestants told the radio station that they were also given t-shirts and hats, as well as the show planting a fake host to convince the contestants they were on the boat party series.

Still with us?

Another dead giveaway is that Parties in Paradise is alleged to be made by Fremantle, the production company behind shows like The X Factor, American Idol, and — drumroll please — Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle.

Come ON! Sh*t doesn’t get more obvious than this!

Reports say the alleged Parties in Paradise is being spearheaded by Love Island UK 2016 star Scott Thomas’ PR company, The Social PR, with the former contestant posting a casting call out to his Insta.  

Currently casting Parties in Paradise! AKA Too Hot to Handle. Source: Instagram @thesocialpr_

Further adding to our suspicions that this new show is a crock of sh*t, the call out image looks like a dodgy photoshop movie poster we would’ve made for an assignment in our Year Six I.T. class. You’d think if they can afford to make fake merch for a fake show, they could at least afford to hire a decent graphic designer for a fake promo poster, no?

Despite claims that the upcoming reality series is busy trying to recruit “normal” people who will win the public’s heart, it seems the casting crew is already trying to yank names from Australia’s incestuous pit of reality stars.

As discussed on episode 87 of So Dramatic! With Megan Pustetto, Big Brother Australia personality Alexandra McChristol was approached by producers to apply for the show. 

She shared the DM she received on her Instagram story, which disclosed that the show would be filmed “abroad in an exotic location… for a global entertainment platform”. Hello, Netflix!

Alexandra told the casting agent that she would “love” to be on reality TV (again?), but ultimately turned down the opportunity as the show was looking for singles and she’s, well, not.

Sources have also disclosed to So Dramatic! that The Bachelorette’s Paddy Collier and MAFSJessiker Power have also been approached to participate in the Aussie series as well.

Whether Parties in Paradise is actually the reel deal (sorry!) or it is indeed Too Hot To Handle incognito, let’s hope they have a lot more than recycled reality stars on the series to keep them afloat.

Get the tea first! Follow So Dramatic! on Instagram and tune in on Mondays to get your reality tea fix with the So Dramatic! podcast with Megan Pustetto.