Sam Fisher‘s Love Triangle audition tape has been leaked and it’s just as problematic as you’d expect it to be.
The controversial reality star, who’s said to be WORSE than Harrison Boon, has already copped a LOT of heat for having a secret girlfriend during filming, making horrible comments about women he’s slept with and being homophobic and fatphobic.
So unsurprisingly, his Stan audition tape was an absolute train wreck. As such, we’ve recapped some of the worst moments.
The cursed video starts with the 35-year-old asserting that he’s in his prime.
“I’m just lucky. I have my business, I have my health. I don’t have any kids or ex-wives,” he told the cameras. And we didn’t realise having children or exes were dealbreakers, but go off, king!
Sam then claimed that he’s not a “two-timer”, before spilling the deets about the two girls he had on the go simultaneously.
“But at the same time, I won’t [see two people at once],” he clarified. “They’re all nothing. Until something happens.” Yuck.
Love Triangle‘s Sam Fisher says poor feminine hygiene and ‘CANKLES’ are his dealbreakers and we can’t cope
When asked about his dealbreakers, Sam immediately had to lead with a disclaimer.
“You guys are going to be offended at some of the things I say,” he told the producers. “But all the classics”.
He then revealed that cankles, or swollen ankles, are a huge turn-off for him.
“If I’m going to sit here and say cankles, then I’m in trouble with a thick-legged bird, aren’t I? So I’ve got to be careful,” he laughed. And why are we still calling women “birds” in 2023?
He then made some cooked comments about feminine hygiene.
“Hygiene [is a dealbreaker],” he asserted.
“I’m talking about looking after yourself,” he said, before looking down and gesturing towards his crotch.
“I’m not talking about the presentation of it,” he stressed. “Purely the aromas.” And we have NO words.
Love Triangle‘s Sam Fisher says sleeping with a girl means he’s ‘LOCKED her down’
Things went from bad to worse when Sam revealed whether he’s the type to fall in love hard and fast.
“I have a pretty good idea pretty quickly if I’m in trouble. It’s f*cked. You become vulnerable and reactive. Sensitive to their actions and sensitive to what they say. I become a little b*tch,” he said.
However, he’s the kicker. He “falls” fast if his potential partner is “holding out on sex”.
“If they hold out, I feel like I’m throwing all my shots and then I’ve got nothing left and then I’m just working on being patient,” he said.
“When I do have sex, I’m confident again. Then you’ve got them, effectively. It’s a lockdown from there.” ‘Nuff said.
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