We’re just gonna say it: Married at First Sight‘s Al Perkins is possibly the biggest man-child to ever grace reality TV screens.

During the season’s fifth episode, we met 25-year-old Al ahead of his blind nuptials to Samantha Moitzi, and let’s just say this is not going to go well.

To begin with, Samantha confessed to the experts that she was totally done with dating boys. However, in another attempt to ruin somebody else’s life, they paired her with a literal child who “rates” himself an 11 out of ten and who can’t even tuck his own bloody shirt in on his wedding day.

Oh, and his vows were a stiff recitation of Eminem’s Lose Yourself… so, there’s that.

We're just gonna say it: Married at First Sight's Al Perkins is possibly the biggest man-child to ever grace reality TV screens.
We’re just gonna say it: Married at First Sight‘s Al Perkins is possibly the biggest man-child to ever grace reality TV screens. Source: Nine.

Put simply, Al and Samantha’s unity is reality TV’s answer to FriendsRachel and her airheaded assistant-slash-boyfriend, Tag… except this time, exactly nobody is rooting for them to work out.

Al… You’re 25. Time To Retire The Shoey

Married at First Sight‘s Al really admitted that he can take things too far, then continued to take things too far in spectacular fashion.

During the season’s first dinner party, he decided it would be a great time to whip off one of his shoes for a “shoey”.

ICYMI: A shoey is the act of pouring a drink into your empty shoe and guzzling it like an absolute caveman.

Safe to say Australia was divided over the cringe-worthy act.

Al Wants An Independant Woman… Yet His Mum Is His Literal Live-In Servant

I don’t think we’ll ever recover from the way Al allows his mother to wait on him hand and foot.

This isn’t an exaggeration. Methinks this Bondi-based tradie took some tips from Cardi B because this boy don’t cook, don’t clean and yet somehow, he’s been given a ring to wed a woman. God help her.

However, Mama Perkins took great joy in absolutely dragging her son on national TV over this exact fact.

Married at First Sight‘s Al Thinks He’s God’s Gift To Women

When asked to list his best attributes, let’s just say Al only takes himself at face value… literally.

“My best qualities are definitely my body, my smile, my face in general,” he explained, adding: “My personality, sometimes.”

As for his insecurities? “Probably my legs. They aren’t as muscly as I want them to be.”

So, it’s absolutely no surprise that Samantha — a smart, headstrong, independent woman — wasn’t picking up what her new hubby was putting down.

And yet, somehow, the carpenter could not grasp that she just wasn’t into him.

Dear MAFS, Please Don’t Destroy Sweet, Sweet Samantha

If anything was to come out Samantha and Al’s nuptials, it’s that fans of MAFS are PRAYING that the bride gets the justice she deserves after her absolute crime of a wedding.

Surely it can’t get any worse from here, right? RIGHT?!

Want even more goss? Listen to episode 145 of the So Dramatic! podcast with Megan Pustetto below!

Watch Married at First Sight Australia on Sundays at 7.00 pm and Monday – Wednesday at 7.30 pm on Channel Nine.

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