Booka Nile was a contestant on season eight of Married at First Sight Australia. In 2021, she married groom Brett Helling in what started out as an epic love story… until it wasn’t.

Here, she writes an open letter to the season nine cast — giving them insight into what life is about to become for them, delivering some hard truths about the experience.

Booka Nile (pictured here with Brett Helling) was a Married at First Sight Australia 2021 contestant.
Booka Nile (pictured here with Brett Helling) was a Married at First Sight Australia 2021 contestant. Source: Nine.

Dear Married at First Sight Australia (MAFS) 2022 cast,

Your life is about to change more than you ever thought it would.

My experience with MAFS was a disheartening one. While the experience of filming was nothing like I’d ever experienced before, watching the show back was worse than I could ever imagine — for me and my castmates.

It was surreal. Kind of like sitting back and watching your life happen to you rather than actually living it.

You have these memories of your experiences whilst you were filming, yet what you’re seeing on the screen each night is a condensed and often completely different version of events to what you remember actually happening.  

It’s during this time that you will feel more judged and misjudged than ever before.

"It was surreal," Booka opens up about watching herself back on MAFS 2021. Source: Nine.
“It was surreal,” Booka opens up about watching herself back on MAFS 2021. Source: Nine.

People across the country will form opinions on you based on what they see you do on that small square screen, and the worst part is, there is nothing you will really be able to do to stop those opinions and judgements from forming.

Fans of the show are like no other. They are so passionately invested that they will try and hurt you through their words and commentary online. Try and stay strong through this period.

Remember, if someone is invested enough to feel such strong and frankly, disgusting emotions towards a person from the TV — then feels such a strong compulsion to spread it all over the internet or contact you to abuse you — then you can be damn sure that they themselves are not doing well.  

During this time I became consumed by MAFS. I forgot what my life was like beforehand, and I couldn’t envision a future where I would feel like I had agency or control over my life again.

Booka urges the contestants to remember that those who troll you, are not doing well themselves. Source: Nine.
Booka urges the contestants to remember that those who troll you, are not doing well themselves. Source: Nine.

At the time, it felt like I would be a passive observer of my life forever, anxiously waiting each day for the evening when the next episode would air, wondering whether tomorrow I was going to be damned or adored by the entire country. Loved or loathed when I went grocery shopping or walked out into any public place.  

For me, the airing of MAFS was the hardest part of the whole experience. I felt like I had no control over anything at all. Before that, you’re wrapped up in filming and the production bubble world — one of which you’ve already been part.

The second phase is kind of like purgatory. It’s that break between the ending of filming and the commencement of the show airing on TV. You know your life is about to change forever, but you don’t know how exactly.

You don’t really know what to expect or how it’s going to pan out. It’s like waiting for the next stage of your life to begin but not really knowing what to do with yourself in the interim. I felt a lot of apathy during this stage. Like I was in a waiting room or something.  

Booka reveals that "you don't really know what to expect or how it's going to pan out". Source: Nine.
Booka reveals that “you don’t really know what to expect or how it’s going to pan out”. Source: Nine.

As soon as my wedding took place on TV, I felt like I had no control over my life anymore. I was at the mercy of the show, my experience chopped up in a thousand pieces and sewn together haphazardly onto the screen. It was all-consuming and during this time, I was not an enjoyable person to be around. It affected my mental health in ways it never had before.

Once the show ended, I felt an instant wave of relief. I had made it through to the other side. I had some of my autonomy back and felt more control over my life.

But still, with social media in existence, I quickly learned that people were still watching, judging and hating.

I learnt that a single misjudgment in what I posted online could have a ripple effect and that the pitchforks would come my way through online press media or just people congregating together online to discuss how fucking awful I was.

The online world takes no prisoners and you can forget about being shown compassion for human error or saying the wrong thing. Forget about it.

While you may think you’ve grown in followers (and at a rate like no other), the platform you receive from being on a show like MAFS comes with great responsibility, and also great consequences if you f*ck up — which you absolutely will because you’re human.

The platform you receive from being on a show like MAFS comes with great responsibility. Source: Nine.

One really important thing to remember is that you must try not to let all of this overwhelming attention get to your head. Going on MAFS does not make any of us special. We’re just regular people who got filmed doing a bunch of stuff and therefore got catapulted into the public eye.

Remember that you are no better than anyone else and do not forget this.

Try not to lose your identity during this time. You will change, yes. You cannot go on a whirlwind adventure like MAFS and not come out of it a changed person. This is okay though because every experience we have as a human, changes and shapes who we are.

This is just a really, really big and unusual experience to go through, so be mindful of the way it changes you and try your best to stay grounded and not let your ego run away with you.  

"This is just a really, really big and unusual experience to go through," Booka reveals. Source: Instagram.
“This is just a really, really big and unusual experience to go through,” Booka reveals. Source: Instagram.

On a personal level, you will very likely lose friendships throughout this journey. Some you’ll never see coming and to be honest, it will break your heart. Your intentions will be misunderstood and you will be hated for it by people who you thought loved you and who you loved back.

Do not forget to be grateful towards the ones who stuck by you and who you supported you every step of the way through this journey. Those are the types of friends you want to grow old with.

In saying this, don’t be too harsh on the people who discard you. You will seem different to them and they can only judge you based on what they’re seeing even though they might not have a read on what’s actually going on inside your mind. They will do what humans do and make an assessment based on what they’re witnessing.

You will move on from these people though and you will find new loved ones and you will heal. It will just take some time.

Booka reveals that she lost friends over the MAFS experience. Source: Nine.
Booka reveals that she lost friends over the MAFS experience. Source: Nine.

A few last things not to forget – for those who love you like close friends and especially your family, this will be hard for them too. The people who truly love you will find it very hard watching the online armies and judgments that you face.

I remember it almost destroying my mother. She would watch every episode, read every comment thread and article online and it would devastate her.

She told me that it was Megan Pustetto and Clementine Ford that gave her strength during that period. She was mourning the loss of her mother around the same time and was finding it very difficult to cope. Having Megan and Clementine look deeper into things and see what was actually going on for me and then reporting on it, really helped her. It helped me too because I felt seen and heard and I will be forever grateful for these two women for this.

I’ve made this all sound terrifying and awful but it’s not. MAFS has changed my life.

In some ways for the worse, yes, but in many ways for the better. It has plunged me into my lowest of lows but it has also catapulted me to my highest highs and it has opened up doors and opportunities for my life that I never thought was possible.

It has also forced me to look inwards at the person I am and make decisions about the person I want to be. Because of this, I can now work towards being the person I want to be.

“It has also forced me to look inwards at the person I am and make decisions about the person I want to be,” Booka reveals how MAFS changed her. Source: Instagram.

If I was not forced to look at myself through the eyes of others, then I may never have noticed or acknowledged the parts of me that I didn’t like and that needed changing. As a consequence, I may never have had the chance that I do now — to try and grow and be better as a person. I am grateful that I do have this chance.  

MAFS was the craziest adventure of my life. From the day we started filming right up until now — where you guys are taking over the reins — and subsequently bringing an end to my MAFS journey.

The stage is yours now and I hope that what I’ve written here today will maybe help you through the next phase of this wild journey.  

Would I do it again if I could go back in time? Hell yeah, I would!

The ups, the downs, the joy, the devastation. It was a whirlwind, but it was the adventure of a lifetime and I was lucky to be a part of something so unique and rare.

Your life will change from this experience. You will change from this experience. But from me to you, if you stay positive, stay true to who you are and nourish your most important relationships, then you will be okay… and you’ll have one hell of a story to tell your grandkids one day!  

So sit back, strap yourselves in and try and enjoy this wild ride. It’s like nothing else and you’re about to have the adventure of a lifetime.  

Love, Booka xx

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